what a life..

being all alone.

my greatest fear.

being too crowded.

my greatest dislike.

being close to someone.

my greatest dream.

being too close to someone.

i never wish.

i have never in my life wished what i have gone through today.

so many things i have gone through that i much and deeply regret.

till today, many things i have done is still haunting each night of my restless sleep.

i am like a person who has committed murder even tough hurting someone is not my game.

i have gone long through helping people who very much never have appreciated me.

at all.

i don't expect them to repay any of my kindness.

it is enough if they pray for my well being.

but, to know that they betrayed me.

never loyal to me.

repaying me with sins and hatred.

is not what i expect or wanted.

enough that i know what they had done.

and wish that they knew it.

i know sometimes i may be "lurus bendul".

but that doesn't mean that you can step on my head.

nope.

no.

not ever.

now that i had enough.

no one will be trusted.

no one will be my best friend.

no one will ever be too close or close with me.

this ends here.

right now.

end.

"true friends and true love are VERY hard to find. there is no point of finding them. It will come to you in God's unique way. trust it."