what a life..

being all alone.

my greatest fear.

being too crowded.

my greatest dislike.

being close to someone.

my greatest dream.

being too close to someone.

i never wish.

i have never in my life wished what i have gone through today.

so many things i have gone through that i much and deeply regret.

till today, many things i have done is still haunting each night of my restless sleep.

i am like a person who has committed murder even tough hurting someone is not my game.

i have gone long through helping people who very much never have appreciated me.

at all.

i don't expect them to repay any of my kindness.

it is enough if they pray for my well being.

but, to know that they betrayed me.

never loyal to me.

repaying me with sins and hatred.

is not what i expect or wanted.

enough that i know what they had done.

and wish that they knew it.

i know sometimes i may be "lurus bendul".

but that doesn't mean that you can step on my head.

nope.

no.

not ever.

now that i had enough.

no one will be trusted.

no one will be my best friend.

no one will ever be too close or close with me.

this ends here.

right now.

end.

"true friends and true love are VERY hard to find. there is no point of finding them. It will come to you in God's unique way. trust it."

akhirnya.

yang ditunggu-tunggu telah tiba..

semester 3 dah pon berakhir...

like i posted in my fb

"FINALLY.....semua kecelakaan jln raya, semua salah faham signboard,
semua ketakseragaman undang2,
semua kekecohan kemalangan,
semua ketidakpastian jalan,
semua wrong turn,
semua u-turn,
semua selok belok sem 3.....
HABIS! =)"

it has really finished.
all the sweet memories is till hot in my mind.
while the bitter ones are still hard to forget.
i am glad that this semester has ended.
i can see that i have really stepped up to the plate.
i have really put all (80%) my effort in this semester.
next semester will be more.
=)

i will put up some of the memoirs of semester 3 in the next blog post.
oh!
on wednesday we are selebrating out Eid Aidiladha...
wonder what mom will cook.
oh!
my room is such a mess.
imagine.
a whole 4 month of living in the hostel is dumped in the floor of my room.
*sigh*

will also put extra effort on that.
hehehe
=)

i can't imagine me saying this,
neither would you.
but..
i am actually looking forward to go study for next semester!
i even have already
crafted a stationery place
to put my pens and everything.
this idea came from KAK MAS.
she was the same level as i was
she was also my roommate's best friend.
.......
i got to see her drawer and how she organized her things
by putting them in boxes.
this was also done by my latest friend
noor.
i hang out a lot with them lately.
by them i mean her and ida.
.....
the boxes used are recycled.
tissue boxes
cereal boxes
etc
etc
etc

it so neat.
i had the chance to do a place where i can put my pens and scissors and stapler and all....
but me?
it still needs some making up to do.
beautification
yeah
that is what it needs.
heheh.

i can't really stop writing because i'm using my brothers computer
he has really nice keyboard.
really comfy
haha

end!

"what we hope for and longed for may not come as we vision them. but they will show up sooner or later."